A while ago I noticed that his Facebook and MySpace claim he is still single. I didn't let it bother me too much but I did feel a bit hurt. Recently I have noticed that his text messages are less frequent and much less romantic than they had been. He has also been claiming to need a lot of alone time because he has only been out a long term relationship a few months longer than knowing me.

Last weekend I was at his apartment like normal and went on his computer which is also normal. I noticed in his browser that there was a new saved link that was for Okcupid  and I decided to click on it. Well, it automatically signed me into his account that was full of new pictures and a ton of e-mails back and forth with numerous women. He has corresponded with well over 50 women since meeting me. He also sent out an e-mail saying he was looking for a woman to wine and dine and possibly pleasure while he was away on business. He has recently met women for drinks and has told me nothing of it and also told me many of nights we aren't together that he is just hanging out at home or playing music (he is in a band) and so forth.

I was very upset and devastated, so I called him on the phone and tell him to come home if he can and he does. He tells me that he just wants to make sure that I am the right one for him and that he does not have the same feelings for any of these women like he does for me. He says he had planned on dating a lot of different women before he met me. He says that he probably loves me and definitely adores me and that he is almost ready to just be with me. He does not feel like he did anything wrong because he never specifically told me that he was not dating other people. I will admit that I assumed that he wasn't because he seems so into me.

My question is this: do you think he is just wanting his cake and to eat it too or do you really think he just wants to date around to make sure he is doing the right thing with me? Do you think will stop this seemingly obsessive online dating when/if he does decide to just be with me? I am so very confused and very hurt and just wanting advice. I am very much in love with this guy and had planned a ton of nice things for his upcoming birthday as well as the vacation we are supposed to go on next month."

Desiree, I feel your pain, and so, my answer will be quick and to the point: if he's not exclusively dating you and can't agree to it now, then its time for you to take a huge step back. Sure, you didn't have the exclusivity talk, but you both can take responsibility for that one. He didn't tell and you didn't ask. But if he's not willing to be your boyfriend (and it sounds like that's the only acceptable situation for you - nothing wrong with that), then don't let him be and don't treat him like one anymore. Cancel your vacation together and any other big plans, and then let him know that if or when he's ready to start being exclusive with you, you can talk more. Until then, stay busy, lean heavily on your friends, and let him explore his harem solo.

Amaka Ify Okey asks, "What is your opinion on flirting with others when you're in a relationship? I have a friend who's been dating a sweet young lady for about a year, but he flirts with other women-- including me-- incessantly. I think flirting with a stranger is OK. You see an attractive person in the store, you smile at each other, maybe have a very brief conversation, and never see each other again. It makes you feel good about yourself and gives a little lift to your day. But flirting with people you know is risky; there's a chance that it could turn into something more, and it's simply disrespectful to your partner. What do you think?"

My opinion is short and simple: if the 'sweet young lady' doesn't have a problem with it, then its really of no consequence to anyone. If they've been dating for a year, then she's well aware of her partner's flirtatious nature. If it was a deal breaker for her, then I'd hope she'd have either spoken to him about it, or ended the relationship. Plus, for all you know flirting is ok in their relationship; I have a male friend who is also dating a nice young woman, and they've agreed flirting with other people is ok just as long as they are both sexually faithful to the relationship.

Some people are natural flirts. They aren't doing it to offend their partner, they are doing it because that's who they are: outgoing, friendly and teasers. These kinds of folks are harmless and aren't going to let flirting amongst friends "turn into something more", because frankly it takes two to tango. Its the folks who hide their flirting from their partners that are of more concern - but a concern to their partner, not to you.

If this gentleman's flirting with you is bothering you, I would recommend speaking with him briefly about it the next time he flirts with you. Let him know you don't feel comfortable and if he blows it off as nothing or it being harmless, just smile and say you understand, but you'd still rather not be flirted with. If he continues to flirt with you after your conversation, slowly start spending your time with other folks, or at the very least do not allow yourself any alone time with the man.